Kevin Simmons

Family

Family Update – October 2020

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This is a chaotic season for the Simmons family, as it most likely has been for yours. This last month has been no different. 

LOCAL COVID-19 OUTBREAKS 

The coronavirus has been with us now for well over half a year. Still, for us in Stanly County, North Carolina, it was a distant reality. That is no more. In the past month, many of us locally have contracted the virus. Many have been teachers and those who work with the public. Families have had to quarantine for weeks. We’ve even lost loved ones. 

This isn’t new. Our country has been living through this now for months. I have a friend who pastors a great church in New York who’s had many within his church die from complications with COVID-19.

Perhaps, the now-present reality is causing us to really address what has been a theory for many months. How do we assess our vulnerability? How do we love those around us that are more susceptible to this threat? Do we have a large Thanksgiving? It’s an awful lot to process. 

OUR KIDS & VIRTUAL SCHOOL 

As a result of the recent outbreaks and quarantines, our local school system was forced to transition to online-only for a few weeks. We’ve been very thankful that our kids have had the option of going to school to learn face-to-face with their teachers. Personally, our kids thrive in that environment. I understand that that’s not true for every kid or family, and that’s ok. This is just how we, as a family, are processing this year of school. 

If you were to ask my oldest how virtual school is going, she’d say it’s horrible. It’s not that her teachers aren’t doing a fantastic job. They are. They’re excellent at what they do. She needs the social interaction of a classroom. Her highlight of each day is seeing her friends. She’s missed them so much this year. 

If you were to ask my son how virtual school is going, he’d say it’s amazing. For some reason, he HATED his online sessions last year (to his defense, he was in Kindergarten). This year, however, he’s really talkative and engaged with his friends and teacher. He loves people in whatever way he gets to be with them. 

The tensions we are dealing with as parents and schools are a highlight of this season’s complications. Every family is dealing with this. Some kids are at daycares signing on to their online classes. Some are home alone. There are so many complicated decisions to try to mitigate the vulnerabilities with the needs of this season. It’s complicated, and there are no cookie-cutter solutions. 

AMANDA IS RECOVERING 

Amanda had surgery on Monday of last week to repair the disc between her L5 and S1 vertebrae. The surgery went well, but not quite as expected. The injury was a bit older, and the disc didn’t respond how it would have had the injury been more recent. Consequently, it required a bit more treatment, and that has left Amanda in a bit more pain than perhaps we could have been expected. 

The good news is that everything has gone as expected post-op. Amanda’s pain levels, nerve issues, etc. have all been precisely what the surgeon and nurses prepared us for. 

We are expecting a full recovery and large strides toward healing starting this week.

WOULD YOU PRAY FOR US? 

1. Pray that Amanda continues to heal. We believe that this will be a FULL recovery and will address many different issues that she has perhaps dealt with in the past. 

2. Pray for our community. Many are vulnerable. Some are sick. A lot are scared. We need wisdom and clarity. We need boldness and thoughtfulness. 

3. Pray for our kids. Our kids will be just fine. Pray for the kids in our community. Some kids are very vulnerable just because they’re home. That’s sad, but that’s the reality. A teacher messaged me not too long ago and asking, “Would you mind praying for my students? They’re not doing well. So many are struggling with anxiety and depression.” Please pray for them. 

4. Pray for me. Pray that I continue to stay focused and faithful. God is at work in my life. I don’t want to miss out on what He’s doing. 

They Can’t Be Your Everything

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I’m in the middle of counseling a few couples that will get married in the next weeks. Out of everything I do, this is one of my most favorite things to do. I love pouring life into young couples that are about to be married.

I love their perspective. It always challenges me to revisit my relationship with my wife. I remember when we walked into our premarital counseling appointments. They were informative and proved to be helpful in the first few years of our relationship.

As much as I admire and am challenged by their “young love,” it’s almost always misplaced.

We look across the aisle on our wedding day, hoping to find someone to complete us, not compliment us.

As fragile human beings, we typically have a perspective that’s enabled us to be slightly self-aware. We see our weaknesses, and we know we need help.

This is where our spouse comes in. We often think they’re the answer to our weaknesses. They’ll complete us.

This isn’t how it plays out, though.

There is a natural complement between a husband and a wife. This is holy and good. Where one has tendencies, the other has the opposite, but healthy tendencies. One tends to be more adventurous. The other tends to be more stable. These tendencies add a healthy tension to their lives. You see this when one spouse is a spender, and one is a saver. One tendency compliments the other.

If you’re looking to be completed in your spouse, though, you’re looking in the wrong place.

In our premarital counselor’s office, I remember he had a small, hand-stitched piece of embroidery on his wall that his wife had made for him. It simply read, “Every conflict is an opportunity.”

Amanda and I experienced a lot of conflict in our early years of marriage. Honestly… We still experience a lot of conflict today. It’s healthy and natural for two people who are trying to live in an intimate relationship.

Every conflict is an opportunity.

I realized early on in our marriage that every conflict was an opportunity for my wife to see that I wasn’t perfect. It was brutal. She thought I was so good, so perfect. I was her “knight in shining armor.” Every conflict, though, proved that I wasn’t. I was a fragile piece of flesh that was far from perfect.

It broke my heart over and over again to disappoint her. In hindsight, I’ve come to know that it was inevitable. I couldn’t live up to the expectations she had for me. Nobody could.

Every conflict was an opportunity for her to see that I’m not perfect.

But… Every conflict was an opportunity for her to rest in the love of a God that loves her perfectly.

If you’re doing marriage right, you’ve concluded that your spouse cannot be your everything. They can be a compliment. They create healthy, holy tensions in your life. They can help you and support you. They just simply can’t be your everything.

Jesus can. He can be your everything. He won’t fail you. He won’t let you down.

When you stand on that foundation, you can have an unwavering love for your spouse because you’re looking to the God who is everything to be everything for you.

A Family Update – September 2020

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Every once in a while, I think it’s helpful to update you on what’s going on with our family. I know that many of you pray for us regularly, and your prayers are better directed and facilitated the more you are informed. 

Here are few recent updates from our family… 

Our kids are crazy. 

We are blessed with their mess. This is a very chaotic season for our family. Adahlae just celebrated her ninth birthday in July. Klayton turns seven this weekend. Kade is three and full of it. Their lives are filled with love, excitement, and chaos. We need all of that. 

With that being said, this is a chaotic season. Small children in abundance bring their own needs, and this season is full of that. Amanda text me this morning that it appears one of our kids wiped their butt on the shower curtain. This is our normal, and it will be our normal moving forward for a few years. 

Pray that we continue to have the focus and energy. Our kids are in a high-need season, and we want to do the work we’re called to as parents willfully and joyfully! 

Things have settled down. 

When the “shelter in place” orders were issued here in North Carolina in March, we had no idea what we were dealing with. To think that we’d still be in a pattern of restrictions six months later wasn’t even fathomable. However, that’s where we find ourselves.

When the transitions happened, Amanda worked from home as a teacher, homeschooled all of our kids, and prepared us for a move. Oh, yea… We sold our house right before all this mess happened. So… We moved. She took taught the kids, fulfilled her responsibilities as a teacher, and helped keep all of us on track. 

When we pivoted to mostly online, I worked for almost a month straight with no days off. There was so much to figure out and change. The stress was so great. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve even processed it all yet. 

Just to be vulnerable… We had this dream of building a life-giving church in Albemarle. Then we launched Vortex, and it’s been amazing. At the beginning of 2020, things were going so very good. We had record attendance days on off Sundays. So many new families joined the church. And then all this. I was so scared it would all collapse. 

Our first Sunday of online-only ministry, I remember feeling so proud of our church. We showed up. Over the next few months, we had a strong online presence, but it slowly transitioned. We were in the summer months. People were tired of looking at screens. I get it. I was, too. 

A little over a month ago, we reopened for in-person services. We returned a high percentage for only being a few weeks into it. I’m still crushed by the families that I see that are not engaged now. I believe in the local church. I believe it has such a significantly high value for every family, and it hurts me to see so many who, without reason, have disconnected from it. According to recent studies, one-third of those attending church before COVID-19 have stopped going to church. That breaks my heart. 

Now that our kids are in school, Amanda is back to teaching, and we’ve reopened for in-person services, our lives have settled back down. There’s a lot to catch up to, I’m finding out. I have quite a bit of stress from this past season that I still need to process through, but I’m in a place to do that now. 

Amanda is in pain. 

On Labor Day, we took our family out on our boat. Amanda started complaining earlier that morning about her back. By the end of the day, she was in pretty consistent pain. 

On Thursday of that week, she woke up and was in incredible pain. We took her to the doctor and then went to the hospital for an MRI. We found out that she has two particular and severe issues in her lower back.

Currently, she has an appointment with a neurosurgeon in a few days, and we’ll be following up with a coarse of treatment following that appointment. The doctor we’re seeing is highly regarded, and we’re expecting God to continue to provide healing and relief. 

Here’s how to pray: 

1. Pray for our kids, that God will continue to shape their hearts, minds, and lives. Also, pray for us as parents to not grow fatigued in our obedience to the call of “parent” on our lives. 

2. Pray for healing in our heart from the trauma and stresses of this past season. We’ve had a crazy year, just like you. We have many people who depend on us, and we want to be healthy for them. 

3. Pray for healing in Amanda’s lower back. Pray for wisdom and guidance from her neurosurgeon. Pray against any adverse effects until she’s treated. 

Finally… 

As always, thank you so much for loving us. We are so thankful for the opportunity to serve you. 

Make It Fun

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Have you ever noticed that some activities drain you, and some actions energize you? 

If you were to ask me, “Kevin… What are the most important things in your life?” I’d definitely answer that my faith, my family, and my church were in the top three. I love them all very much. 

But… If I’m honest, when I’m faced with the task of watching my kids, I will, at times, find it to be a draining experience. It’s not just because the kids are disobedient or difficult. It has more to do with me than them. 

Our perspectives war with us. A wrong perspective can rob you of the joy that is so evident in an opportunity. 

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Be There

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One of the core desires of a dad is to provide for our family. 

This desire manifests itself in a lot of different ways. We want to provide the basics for our kids: food, safety, and shelter. Then we often move to preferences, the non-essentials that we want to give our kids. 

My dad grew up poor. Really poor. There were weeks that his family ate rationed dried beans for every meal. My grandmother carefully administered the food to make sure that everyone got some, but it wasn’t much, and hunger was a part of daily life. 

When I was a kid, my parents reached a level of income where food was no longer an issue. My father never wanted us to be hungry because he had experienced hunger in such a devastating way as a kid. We were always encouraged to clean our plates, eat seconds, and there was always plenty of food. 

Often we want to provide for our kids what we didn’t have as children. 

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