Kevin Simmons

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Family Update – October 2020

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This is a chaotic season for the Simmons family, as it most likely has been for yours. This last month has been no different. 

LOCAL COVID-19 OUTBREAKS 

The coronavirus has been with us now for well over half a year. Still, for us in Stanly County, North Carolina, it was a distant reality. That is no more. In the past month, many of us locally have contracted the virus. Many have been teachers and those who work with the public. Families have had to quarantine for weeks. We’ve even lost loved ones. 

This isn’t new. Our country has been living through this now for months. I have a friend who pastors a great church in New York who’s had many within his church die from complications with COVID-19.

Perhaps, the now-present reality is causing us to really address what has been a theory for many months. How do we assess our vulnerability? How do we love those around us that are more susceptible to this threat? Do we have a large Thanksgiving? It’s an awful lot to process. 

OUR KIDS & VIRTUAL SCHOOL 

As a result of the recent outbreaks and quarantines, our local school system was forced to transition to online-only for a few weeks. We’ve been very thankful that our kids have had the option of going to school to learn face-to-face with their teachers. Personally, our kids thrive in that environment. I understand that that’s not true for every kid or family, and that’s ok. This is just how we, as a family, are processing this year of school. 

If you were to ask my oldest how virtual school is going, she’d say it’s horrible. It’s not that her teachers aren’t doing a fantastic job. They are. They’re excellent at what they do. She needs the social interaction of a classroom. Her highlight of each day is seeing her friends. She’s missed them so much this year. 

If you were to ask my son how virtual school is going, he’d say it’s amazing. For some reason, he HATED his online sessions last year (to his defense, he was in Kindergarten). This year, however, he’s really talkative and engaged with his friends and teacher. He loves people in whatever way he gets to be with them. 

The tensions we are dealing with as parents and schools are a highlight of this season’s complications. Every family is dealing with this. Some kids are at daycares signing on to their online classes. Some are home alone. There are so many complicated decisions to try to mitigate the vulnerabilities with the needs of this season. It’s complicated, and there are no cookie-cutter solutions. 

AMANDA IS RECOVERING 

Amanda had surgery on Monday of last week to repair the disc between her L5 and S1 vertebrae. The surgery went well, but not quite as expected. The injury was a bit older, and the disc didn’t respond how it would have had the injury been more recent. Consequently, it required a bit more treatment, and that has left Amanda in a bit more pain than perhaps we could have been expected. 

The good news is that everything has gone as expected post-op. Amanda’s pain levels, nerve issues, etc. have all been precisely what the surgeon and nurses prepared us for. 

We are expecting a full recovery and large strides toward healing starting this week.

WOULD YOU PRAY FOR US? 

1. Pray that Amanda continues to heal. We believe that this will be a FULL recovery and will address many different issues that she has perhaps dealt with in the past. 

2. Pray for our community. Many are vulnerable. Some are sick. A lot are scared. We need wisdom and clarity. We need boldness and thoughtfulness. 

3. Pray for our kids. Our kids will be just fine. Pray for the kids in our community. Some kids are very vulnerable just because they’re home. That’s sad, but that’s the reality. A teacher messaged me not too long ago and asking, “Would you mind praying for my students? They’re not doing well. So many are struggling with anxiety and depression.” Please pray for them. 

4. Pray for me. Pray that I continue to stay focused and faithful. God is at work in my life. I don’t want to miss out on what He’s doing. 

They Can’t Be Your Everything

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I’m in the middle of counseling a few couples that will get married in the next weeks. Out of everything I do, this is one of my most favorite things to do. I love pouring life into young couples that are about to be married.

I love their perspective. It always challenges me to revisit my relationship with my wife. I remember when we walked into our premarital counseling appointments. They were informative and proved to be helpful in the first few years of our relationship.

As much as I admire and am challenged by their “young love,” it’s almost always misplaced.

We look across the aisle on our wedding day, hoping to find someone to complete us, not compliment us.

As fragile human beings, we typically have a perspective that’s enabled us to be slightly self-aware. We see our weaknesses, and we know we need help.

This is where our spouse comes in. We often think they’re the answer to our weaknesses. They’ll complete us.

This isn’t how it plays out, though.

There is a natural complement between a husband and a wife. This is holy and good. Where one has tendencies, the other has the opposite, but healthy tendencies. One tends to be more adventurous. The other tends to be more stable. These tendencies add a healthy tension to their lives. You see this when one spouse is a spender, and one is a saver. One tendency compliments the other.

If you’re looking to be completed in your spouse, though, you’re looking in the wrong place.

In our premarital counselor’s office, I remember he had a small, hand-stitched piece of embroidery on his wall that his wife had made for him. It simply read, “Every conflict is an opportunity.”

Amanda and I experienced a lot of conflict in our early years of marriage. Honestly… We still experience a lot of conflict today. It’s healthy and natural for two people who are trying to live in an intimate relationship.

Every conflict is an opportunity.

I realized early on in our marriage that every conflict was an opportunity for my wife to see that I wasn’t perfect. It was brutal. She thought I was so good, so perfect. I was her “knight in shining armor.” Every conflict, though, proved that I wasn’t. I was a fragile piece of flesh that was far from perfect.

It broke my heart over and over again to disappoint her. In hindsight, I’ve come to know that it was inevitable. I couldn’t live up to the expectations she had for me. Nobody could.

Every conflict was an opportunity for her to see that I’m not perfect.

But… Every conflict was an opportunity for her to rest in the love of a God that loves her perfectly.

If you’re doing marriage right, you’ve concluded that your spouse cannot be your everything. They can be a compliment. They create healthy, holy tensions in your life. They can help you and support you. They just simply can’t be your everything.

Jesus can. He can be your everything. He won’t fail you. He won’t let you down.

When you stand on that foundation, you can have an unwavering love for your spouse because you’re looking to the God who is everything to be everything for you.

Be Patient With Us

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I once visited a very successful business. The owner and I chatted for a while. He told me, “If you ever have an experience that’s out of the ordinary, please give us some grace. If you have the same experience again, please let me know. The first time could just someone having a bad day.”

I respected that honesty.

Nobody, no matter how genuine they are or how hard they try, always gets it right.

This is very true for us as Pastors. It’s very real for me, personally.

It’s been especially true throughout this year. Navigating a pandemic and massive cultural upheaval, each of which requires its own set of care, has not been easy. There is no playbook.

We haven’t always gotten it right.

I can promise you this: We won’t always get it right, either.

As one very wise Preacher once shared, “If you’re looking for the perfect church, you won’t find it. The moment you set foot inside, you bring your own imperfections with you.”

So… Here’s what I’m asking: Can you be patient with us?

This isn’t something that I’m asking just for this season. I’m asking for this from here on out.

This past Sunday, I was trying to explain a complicated truth during my message. I didn’t explain it correctly, and in fact, you could infer something that would be incorrect from how I said explained it. Even as I said it, I was going “oh noooooo” on the inside. I spent the next few sentences offering some explanation and clarification. This happens a lot because as much as I prepare and practice, I’m not perfect.

I’m not capable of getting it right, but Jesus got it right for me, just like He did for you. It’s HIS righteousness that I stand on, just like you.

Here’s what I can promise: though we’ll never be perfect, I promise to make progress.

Progress takes time. There are lessons to be learned, not repeated.

Learning is a lot like reading a book. I can download a book in under a minute to my iPad, but it will take me weeks to down the wisdom to my heart. Learning lessons works like that for all of us.

So… please be patient with us. We’re learning, but I promise we’re making progress.

How Are You Praying?

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This past Sunday, I shared a message based out of the seventeenth chapter of the Gospel of John. In that chapter, Jesus prays for his disciples and for us, those who would follow him in the future. 

As I prepared for the message, I noticed a glaring discrepancy between the way Jesus prays and what we pray for. 

In that prayer, Jesus prays for us to be one. He asks the Father to protect that unity. His declaration is simple: our oneness will demonstrate to the world that Jesus was real and that God loves them. 

I suppose it’s the apparent absence of certain aspects of our prayers that caught my attention. 

Jesus didn’t pray for protection against physical or worldly threats. 

How often do we pray that God would keep us safe? Out of the sheer volume of your prayers, how much of it is consumed by prayers for safety? We pray for our parents, our friends, and our kids to be safe. We pray for protection when we’re leaving home and traveling. 

Jesus wasn’t that short-sighted. He was inviting us into eternal life. Death wasn’t intimidating to Jesus. In this eternal life, we’ve been invited into, death is just a common in our sentence of life, not a period. 

Jesus was praying over those who would be tortured, persecuted, and killed for following Him. He didn’t pray for temporary safety. He prayed that the heart of the mission would never be compromised. 

Do you pray with the perspective of eternal life? Or are your prayers preoccupied with this temporary life? 

Jesus didn’t pray for outcomes. 

I pray for outcomes. I pray for what could be. When a loved one is sick, I pray for healing. When my wife has a medical test, I pray for a good report from the doctor. Even at church, I’ll pray that God saves someone as we preach and teach. 

I’m not saying that praying for these things is wrong, but I’m challenged that Jesus trusted the will of the Father so deeply that He didn’t pray for outcomes in this prayer. 

In fact, if you’re sick or loved ones are sick… pray for their healing. If you have a test, pray for a positive outcome. If you’re preaching, pray for those in the crowd to be saved, healed, and set free. 

It’s not that we shouldn’t pray for outcomes.

Maybe the lesson here is that we trust the outcome of the process to the Father. 

Jesus knew unity was mission-critical; the process wouldn’t work without it. His prayers reflected that. 

Jesus prayed like He trusted the Father to answer His prayers. 

I have a friend who goes to the ATM and hopes his accounts have the money he needs to withdraw. It’s an anxious endeavor for him. He doesn’t know if his request can be processed or if it will be rejected.

I pray like that some times. Jesus didn’t. 

“When you pray, you must believe and not doubt at all. Whoever doubts is like a wave in the sea that is driven and blown about by the wind. If you are like that, unable to make up your mind and undecided in all you do, you must not think that you will receive anything from the Lord.” James 1:6-9 

Jesus prayed with bold confidence. Maybe that’s because he prayed from an eternal perspective. Perhaps it’s because he prayed over the process and trusted His Father with the outcome. 

Either way… I want to pray more like Jesus. 

The Virus Is Real

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Yes. The virus IS real. From the beginning it’s been a threat. 

We’ve read about how deadly it can be. We’ve even seen the effects it’s had on others. It’s real.

In this season of life, this moment, I think we need to be reminded of that. The threat is real. 

I’m not talking about COVID-19. 

I’m talking about the “fear virus.” 

If you’re a Jesus-follower, you should be taking the pandemic of the “fear virus” seriously. It’s infected many, and for many, it’s been deadly.

This is by no means at attempt to downplay the seriousness of the global introduction of the virus behind COVID-19.

Indeed, we are living through some very real moments involving that. In recent weeks I’ve had friends diagnosed with it, and we’ve lost people in our community as a result of it. It’s real. We should be both courageous, cautious, and caring as a we navigate this season in our communities. 

I’d like to address what happens in our hearts AFTER such things occur.
It’s fear, and fear works a lot like a virus. It’s infectious and contagious. 
Fear also cannot coexist with love. 

The Scriptures make this clear: “There is no fear in love.” 1 John 4:18 

Fear is not just debilitating our lives, it’s wrecking our relationship with God. It cripples us and divides us. Left unaddressed, fear will alter your perception of God.  

In the month of August I preached through a series called, “The Fear Virus”. If you’re struggling with fear, let me invite you to listen to these messages: 

Week 1: It Goes Viral 
Fear is a lot like a virus. All the qualities that lead to the infectiousness of a virus you can see in fear. During this message we look what we can learn to combat fear from understanding it from that perceptive: 
https://pkev.in/fear-virus-1

Week 2: The Fear Virus
The Bible has a lot to say about fear. During this message we camp out in a text written by Jesus’ best friend, the Apostle John. In this we see how fear and love interact, and we see that fear is actively undermining our loving relationship with God.
https://pkev.in/fear-virus-2

Week 3: God Is Good
Often our fears cause us to doubt the goodness of God. Fear cannot coexist inside His love. Actually, we see that God actively works to destroy the work of fear in our lives. During this message we see how to address this is in our lives.
https://pkev.in/fear-virus-3

Week 4: Treatment Plan 
To survive viral infections doctors have developed standard courses of treatment. In the global medical community right now they’re working to develop a course of treatment for COVID-19. This message addresses God’s course of treatment for fear
https://pkev.in/fear-virus-4