Have you ever been out to dinner at a beautiful place to eat and, as the food comes from the kitchen, you notice it’s not exactly what you ordered? Maybe your steak is overcooked. Perhaps your burger doesn’t have the bacon you added. Maybe there’s a side that’s missing.
What do we typically do? We point it out to the server. A lot of us get frustrated with them. Some of us yell. Some of us have some anger because our nice dinner has been disrupted.
But… Who’s at fault?
Do you suffer from road rage?
Honestly, I’m pretty mild-mannered. I don’t anger that easily. I have, however, experienced more road rage that you would expect.
Let me clear this up… it’s not me who’s angry. It’s other people who are mad at me.
In all humility, I’m not exactly the best driver. I’m never going to win any “driver of the year” awards. Also, I wouldn’t be a good hire if you were hiring delivery drivers.
Honestly, I’ve worked on it. I’ve put my phone down. I’m lucky enough now to have a car that warns me when I’m getting close to the lines or too close to someone in front of me.
It hasn’t kept me from the anger of those who experience road rage in the past! There really are countless moments where people have pulled up next to me, while driving, yelling at me through two closed windows. I want to have a sign that reads, “Hey… I’m sorry. Trying to read your lips while driving isn’t going to make me a better driver, though! Have a great day!”
Where does road rage come from? It comes from the same place any other offense comes from. The commonality in driving just leverages a lot of people who know what other people SHOULD do, but then get angry because they don’t do it. They SHOULD have let me in the traffic line. They SHOULD not have stopped so quick. They SHOULD have been paying closer attention.
They SHOULD have…
The SHOULD have stayed faithful. They SHOULD have told the truth. They SHOULD have been on time. They SHOULD have replaced the toilet roll.
And then, all of a sudden, without warning you’re OFFENDED!
Offended hurts. Offended stings. Offended isn’t fun. It’s hard and hard to overcome. But… Offended is also the plan of the enemy to choke the life of Jesus out of you.
When we’re offended, we ask, “Why should I forgive them?”
It feels like a legitimate question. They’ve hurt us. They’ve done us wrong. Why SHOULD we forgive them?
Maybe that’s the wrong question to ask.
I’ve noticed that if you ask the wrong question, you always get the wrong answers! That doesn’t mean there’s a bad question. It does, however, mean there is often a better, more helpful question.
When we ask, “Why should I forgive them?” it places us on a team and them on a team. We’re on team “right”. They’re on team “wrong”.
For those of us in this boat, there’s a working assumption: “I’m right.” There’s also pervasive neglect. When you’re focused on your own “rightness”, you’re neglecting the fact that you, yourself, have been and could be wrong.
You have been wrong. Many times.
And when you’ve been wrong, both with God and other people, you have often experienced both grace and forgiveness.
If we’re honest, the debt that we’ve been forgiven of us is much greater than any debt another will ever owe us. We’ve failed greatly. We’ve also been significantly forgiven.
Maybe a better question is, “How could I not forgive them?”
What is keeping you from forgiving?
Is it that they seem sorry? Were you sorry every time you received grace? Probably not.
Is it that they did something pretty wrong? Have you done something terrible before and been forgiven? If you’re a Christ-follower, you have. You killed God’s Son, and He’s forgiven you for it!
Stop looking for excuses to refuse forgiveness and start forgiving with your own story as the backdrop for the grace you extend.
Forgive and love, and you have been forgiven and loved!
* * * * *
What’s your most common excuse for not forgiving someone?
Have you ever been there… stuck on the toilet, no toilet paper in the dispenser, and all that leaving you in desperate need of a miracle from God to provide for your apparent needs?
We’ve all been there.
Where do our hearts go IMMEDIATELY? We start to blame the person that left that cardboard roll with no life-giving tissue remaining. We blame our spouse. We blame our kids. We blame our coworkers.
I think this is a moment we encounter in more ways than we realize.
We see a problem. We identify an area of improvement. Then… we ask, “Who should do that?”
One thing I’m sure of is that we all see different things.
Maybe that’s the wrong question to ask.
Have you ever noticed that asking the wrong question gets you the wrong answer?
We do this all the time.
While there truly are very few “stupid questions”, there are questions we ask that take us off course in life.
When we do that, we can derail the plans and purposes of God.
One of the ways we often do this happens in the middle of CONFLICT!
Have you ever noticed that if you ask the wrong question, you get the wrong answer?
Your friend asks you to stop by and pick up some frozen strawberries. You stop by a clerk on your way into the grocery store and ask, “Pardon me. Do you know where the strawberries are?” The clerk points you to produce where you find the boxes of strawberries. You buy them and head on your way. When you finally arrive at your friend’s home, you find out that you have the wrong item. You have fresh strawberries, not frozen ones! What seems like a slight difference can have a huge impact.
Think about the questions you’re asking in life.
Could it be that you’re asking the wrong questions, and that’s why you’re getting the wrong answers?
One of the questions we are commonly asking is: What is good?
Good is a good question, but it’s often the wrong question.
Every year we take one of the first portions of the year and dedicate it to prayer and fasting. It’s our simple way at Vortex to put God first as we enter in a new season.
It’s interesting because, essentially those 21 days is a season within a season, a moment within a more significant, grander moment.
There are lots of seasons within seasons.
Statistically, you probably can count your friends on one hand. The average American only reports having two close friends. You could’ve lost a few fingers in an accident and still count your friends on one hand if you’re living the average life.
This is a huge deal.
You probably think you don’t have time for all this. You’re too busy for friendships. As one of my friends recently said, “I barely have time for my kids and wife. How in the world can I keep a friend?”
It’s an issue of life and death.
Friendship is an enigma wrapped in a riddle.
My friend Bob used to say that about things that were confusing. I don’t really understand it, but I get what it means. It’s a confession… a confessing of complication and confusion. It’s as if you’re saying, “This topic is so convoluted and difficult to understand that we can all have different opinions on it and all be right.”
Understanding friendship is like trying to nail down Jello (that’s another one of my favorite sayings from Bob… he has a lot of them).
Here’s a very simple principle for when things seem convoluted:
When things are confusing, go to the Bible for timeless wisdom.
We’ve all experienced it…
We made a friend, got close to them and shared our hearts and lives, only to months or years later to look back and feel like we’ve lost them.
For many of us, that perspective is filled with pain. We hurt in the loss. It’s hard to open up to someone, and it’s even harder to feel like you’ve lost that connection after being vulnerable and loving someone.
The truth is we don’t have to hurt because there are often practical reasons why they are not your friends anymore. Here are just a few…
How many best friends do you have?
My son Klay has about fifteen. He uses that term very freely. If you’re playing with him and it’s going well he’s probably going to tell you, “You’re my best friend.”
He’s not being manipulative in his use of the term. He’s just very situational.
I’ve noticed the same thing among adults. We have lots of “best friends”, and I don’t really think the culture of friendship we’re creating is very good for us.
“Best friend” is a very sacred title.
It implies that someone has significant influence in your life and that you, inversely, have great access to theirs. A best friend is someone who knows you inside and out, with all the ugly and broken. A best friend is also someone you can find rest with, simply be who you are, and be fully accepted for that.
We don’t stumble across those friends often.