i think i have the plague.
I visited the doctor’s office again today. It’s time for another round of antibiotics & other miscellaneous medications to treat the sickness.
I wrote a few weeks ago about how the sickness helps us appreciate health. I think the feeling that emerges during a prolonged illness could better be described as “yearning”.
While we haven’t talked about it much in public, my wife has been sick for the last few years. The initial diagnosis has been some sort of immune deficiency / autoimmune disorder. These conditions take a while to diagnose and develop treatment plans for, and we were scheduled to be at Duke University to have their Immunologists work with Amanda in December before we found out that she was pregnant.
Pregnancy has been good to Amanda. For the first time in years, she feels like herself.
It’s so beautiful (and broken at the same time), but there are several conditions that have similar symptoms to the ones she’s dealt with that are directly related to a woman’s ability to conceive. These conditions make it difficult to get pregnant, but pregnancy, itself, is the cure. We’re praying for that miracle.
I’ve listened to her talk about how she has felt about herself over the last few years. It’s almost as if in her mind there has been a distinction between an “old self” and a “new self”, and all the while this “new self” was emerging there was this deep, continuous desire to return to the way she was, to her “old self”.
Jesus speaks to us in ways like these, where our brokenness points to something beautiful and whole.
Even though I think I have the plague right now, the sickness still points to something beyond itself. I don’t want swallowing to feel like tiny shards of glass were in my beverage. I don’t enjoy the coughing (or what it produces). I’m tired of the runny nose, the spacey feeling from the meds, and the headaches from over-stuffed sinuses.
There’s a different kind of discomfort that speaks to us. This discomfort visits us when we willingly walk away from Jesus. Sin is conceived in pleasure, but gives birth to pain.
It’s in the midst of that pain that we must choose between the pleasures of sins conception (and in turn choose to begin the cycle all over) or to yearn to be restored to a wholeness that existed before, a wholeness only Jesus can give.
I think I’m going to go down this pill, get some rest, & let the sickness speak to me. Apparently, it’s got something important to say.